Sport Questions!!!
FA Cup final or England debut?
England (or France debut) at the age of forty four. Stanley Matthews, eat your heart out.
Snooker or darts?
Judging by the growing belly, got to be darts.
Rugby union or rugby league?
Union for the world cup, league for the money.
Cricket or tennis?
Quite like the sound of those cute little insects on a hot summer day in the south of France.
Real Madrid or Barcelona?
Barca!!!
Rangers or Celtic?
Celtic.
Kevin Keegan or Kenny Dalglish?
As the proud former owner of a hairstyle I can only dream of, it's got to be KK.
Tiger Woods or Roger Federer?
Woods for the bird, Federer for the style.
Pele or Maradona?
Pele for the ability to pull chicks half his age, Maradona for the ability to shoot annoying people and being declared a victim.
Television Questions!!!
Coronation Street or Eastenders?
Corrie: boring!
Eastenders: what a bunch of moaners! Depressing. Whatever happened to the Cockneys' legendary sense of humour?
Tom or Jerry?
Cheeky Jerry.
Phoenix Nights or The Office?
Ricky Gervais rules.
Jonathan Ross or Charlotte Church?
Jonathan for the wits, Charlotte for the tits!
Gary Lineker or Adrian Chiles?
Gary for the goals, Adrian for the unfazed, no-nonsense, witty football fan approach.
Trinny or Susannah?
Get rid of those stuck up pseudo ladies.
Star Wars or Star Trek?
No like.
Royal Family or Royle Family?
Cauliflower Ear Man is a person I greatly admire. Not quite sure about his wish to morph into Camilla's tampon though...
Big Brother or X-Factor?
X-factor, especially the Asian "Judge" weirdo in last year's series who fancied himself as a cross between Jesus Christ and Michael Jackson.
Food & Drink Questions!!!
Salt and vinegar or ready salted?
Kettle Crisps anyday.
Curry or kebab?
No like.
Cheddar or stilton?
Cheddar.
Sunday roast or chicken pasta?
Corn-fed, anti-depressant free, chicken with Italian pasta not purchased from Asda.
Poached or scrambled eggs?
What's wrong with a decent omelette?
Mars or snickers?
That's not chocolate. Belgian chocolate please.
Bitter or lager?
I'm a shandyman. Yes, not very manly but at one's advanced age, one has a very sweet tooth and one needs energy.
Red wine or white wine?
White.
Tea or coffee?
Sweet tea.
Music Questions!!!
Chris Moyles or Terry Wogan?
Radio is for music not verbal diarrhoea men.
Rock n Roll or R n B?
Neither.
Girls Aloud or Sugababes?
Girls Aloud but get rid of the minger (you all know which one).
Oasis or Blur?
When will somebody dare stand up to and give those Oasis morons a good kicking?
Arctic Monkeys or Kaiser Chiefs?
Neither.
Beatles or Rolling Stones?
Both kind of OK.
Kylie Minogue or sister Danni?
Danni - even with the false tits.
Three Lions or World in Motion?
John Barnes is a Rapper's Delight.
Dr Dre or Eminem?
Eminem but that Dr Dre rings a bell, oh well haven't got a clue really.
Lifestyle Questions!!!
Baby Bentley or Robin Reliant?
Brentford dweller would love to drive a decent motor to show off to his chav neigbours but a bit concerned about his rear view mirrors and windscreen, so got to be the latter (second hand just to be safe).
Tattoos or piercing?
Pierced belly button on a taut, tanned bare midriff.
Night in with the missus or night out with the lads?
Night in with the liberal missus and her equally liberal, sexy girlfriends.
Dog or cat?
Maybe the former but with a lot of rice and soy sauce.
City or countryside?
Both.
Blackpool or Bondi?
Let's see: Blackpool lasses with muffin hips or toned and tanned bikini babes? Hard one that!
Shoes or trainers?
Jesus sandals.
Tracksuit or sharp suit?
Bermuda shorts.
Pro Evo or Fifa?
Which one will improve my game? Alright then, pass.
Pedalo or rowing boat?
Depends on the number of slaves at my disposal.
FA Cup final or England debut?
England (or France debut) at the age of forty four. Stanley Matthews, eat your heart out.
Snooker or darts?
Judging by the growing belly, got to be darts.
Rugby union or rugby league?
Union for the world cup, league for the money.
Cricket or tennis?
Quite like the sound of those cute little insects on a hot summer day in the south of France.
Real Madrid or Barcelona?
Barca!!!
Rangers or Celtic?
Celtic.
Kevin Keegan or Kenny Dalglish?
As the proud former owner of a hairstyle I can only dream of, it's got to be KK.
Tiger Woods or Roger Federer?
Woods for the bird, Federer for the style.
Pele or Maradona?
Pele for the ability to pull chicks half his age, Maradona for the ability to shoot annoying people and being declared a victim.
Television Questions!!!
Coronation Street or Eastenders?
Corrie: boring!
Eastenders: what a bunch of moaners! Depressing. Whatever happened to the Cockneys' legendary sense of humour?
Tom or Jerry?
Cheeky Jerry.
Phoenix Nights or The Office?
Ricky Gervais rules.
Jonathan Ross or Charlotte Church?
Jonathan for the wits, Charlotte for the tits!
Gary Lineker or Adrian Chiles?
Gary for the goals, Adrian for the unfazed, no-nonsense, witty football fan approach.
Trinny or Susannah?
Get rid of those stuck up pseudo ladies.
Star Wars or Star Trek?
No like.
Royal Family or Royle Family?
Cauliflower Ear Man is a person I greatly admire. Not quite sure about his wish to morph into Camilla's tampon though...
Big Brother or X-Factor?
X-factor, especially the Asian "Judge" weirdo in last year's series who fancied himself as a cross between Jesus Christ and Michael Jackson.
Food & Drink Questions!!!
Salt and vinegar or ready salted?
Kettle Crisps anyday.
Curry or kebab?
No like.
Cheddar or stilton?
Cheddar.
Sunday roast or chicken pasta?
Corn-fed, anti-depressant free, chicken with Italian pasta not purchased from Asda.
Poached or scrambled eggs?
What's wrong with a decent omelette?
Mars or snickers?
That's not chocolate. Belgian chocolate please.
Bitter or lager?
I'm a shandyman. Yes, not very manly but at one's advanced age, one has a very sweet tooth and one needs energy.
Red wine or white wine?
White.
Tea or coffee?
Sweet tea.
Music Questions!!!
Chris Moyles or Terry Wogan?
Radio is for music not verbal diarrhoea men.
Rock n Roll or R n B?
Neither.
Girls Aloud or Sugababes?
Girls Aloud but get rid of the minger (you all know which one).
Oasis or Blur?
When will somebody dare stand up to and give those Oasis morons a good kicking?
Arctic Monkeys or Kaiser Chiefs?
Neither.
Beatles or Rolling Stones?
Both kind of OK.
Kylie Minogue or sister Danni?
Danni - even with the false tits.
Three Lions or World in Motion?
John Barnes is a Rapper's Delight.
Dr Dre or Eminem?
Eminem but that Dr Dre rings a bell, oh well haven't got a clue really.
Lifestyle Questions!!!
Baby Bentley or Robin Reliant?
Brentford dweller would love to drive a decent motor to show off to his chav neigbours but a bit concerned about his rear view mirrors and windscreen, so got to be the latter (second hand just to be safe).
Tattoos or piercing?
Pierced belly button on a taut, tanned bare midriff.
Night in with the missus or night out with the lads?
Night in with the liberal missus and her equally liberal, sexy girlfriends.
Dog or cat?
Maybe the former but with a lot of rice and soy sauce.
City or countryside?
Both.
Blackpool or Bondi?
Let's see: Blackpool lasses with muffin hips or toned and tanned bikini babes? Hard one that!
Shoes or trainers?
Jesus sandals.
Tracksuit or sharp suit?
Bermuda shorts.
Pro Evo or Fifa?
Which one will improve my game? Alright then, pass.
Pedalo or rowing boat?
Depends on the number of slaves at my disposal.
No comments:
Post a Comment