Age: 33
Position: Mid RCL / Att Mid RCL / Att RCL
Q. What scared you most as a child?
A. My bed being under the bloody monsters.
Q. Who did you support as a child and who were you favourite players?
A. I have always been a Liverpool fan. Jan Molby is my favourite ever Liverpool player.
Q. What's the funniest thing that has happened to you during a match?
A. I was playing in a charity match, raising funds for Grrenpeace, we used George Bush's head as a ball... that was fun.... oh hang on, that was also a dream.
Q. What's the worst thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
A. I was accused of being unkind to dwarfs... which is ridicilous. I always point behind their back. They never know I am doing it.
Q. What makes you laugh and why?
A. Pointing at Dwarfs.
Q. What talent do you wish you had?
A. Being able to body-pop.
Q. What is your best physical feature?
A. My water-feature.
Q. What do you most dislike about your physical apperance?
A. The two growths hanging from my water-feature.
Q. How do you think other people see you?
A. As the only candidate left alive who could be the messiah.
Q. And how do you see yourself?
A. As a serial killer of potential messiahs.
Q. What do you consider your biggest attribute as a player?
A. If given time, space, a good playing surface, a quality ball, a wicked pair of boots, the right wind-speed, I will definitely get at least a third of my shots on target.
Q. What is your favourite way of relaxing?
A. Dwarf -pointing with friends.
Q. Who do you knock around with from Loko and why?
A. Nick, Pete and I have started a dwarf-pointing club. I never knew there were people out there that felt the same as me.
